Latrodectus mactans earned its name from early observations in confinement, where a male placed in a container with a fed and unwilling female had nowhere to go. Given space, the outcome changes. Males of this species frequently survive courtship, and field observations record males leaving webs intact.
The genus does contain a true specialist in the behaviour. The Australian redback male somersaults his abdomen onto the female's fangs during copulation, and being eaten is the ordinary outcome rather than an accident. Treating the whole genus as though it followed that script is where the myth begins.
The venom is not overstated. Alpha-latrotoxin forms pores in nerve terminals and empties them of neurotransmitter, producing latrodectism: cramping abdominal and back muscle pain, sweating and hypertension that can last for days. Antivenom exists, and recorded deaths in countries with modern medical care are very rare.